SAVE THE UNICORN WHO GOT BLOWN UP IN HER STARSHIP

JUST A FRAGMENT OF YOU

2012-01-31T14:14:00.001+08:00

us, being, retards, as usual.

and that, my readers, is my boyfriend melon.

and he makes me happy. :)

CAMBODIA HIGH

2012-01-28T12:39:00.010+08:00

we ate happy pizzas every day

on her blackberry during the whole hike

atv tour, a must in cambodia

our lovely resort

sunrise

trusty feiyues

HUAT AH

2012-01-25T12:53:00.001+08:00

THE WHOLE NIGHT I WENT, HUAT AH HUAT AH HUAT AH!

I PROMISE TO BLOG MORE!

QUARTER POUNDER

2012-01-19T18:03:00.012+08:00

all right, decided to blog since my brain's a mush and i just took a huge dump. so it's a conflicting sense of peace and... awkwardness. i realised i've been missing here for quite a bit. trust me, the end of 2011 was crazy (to say the least). i swear i was a schizophrenic suffering from psychosis. double whammy indeed.

to cut the long story short. my love life was haywire, i didn't know what i want. on one hand i was on cloud 9, and the next minute i was crying my eyes out. crazy, get it, just pure.. lucid dreams.

wait, did i say love life, did i even know what love was at that point? shrugs.

so that was december. and here's my birthday in pictures.

it was filled with food, food food and food.

and yes, i have gained a massive 5 kg OR MORE. some say i look better, but i feel like a whale.

dinner at bistro du sommelier

the duck was the grossiest duck i had ever tasted.

the frog was awesome, foie gras was good, the beef, i heard, was all right. but seriously

the duck caused me to lao sai. nope, not going back there.

dinner at my humble house

overpriced set menu, tasted better.

only thing good was the lobster and decor of restaurant

surprise party :)

surprise cupcakes from my client!

dinner at le bistrot

nice.loved it.

hello 24.

FARTTSSSSS

2012-01-19T17:45:00.003+08:00

life's been nothing short of awesome.

january's been kind.

let's hope february's better.

pinkie i'll update soon.

FOLLIES, OF FOE.

2011-12-29T18:39:00.004+08:00

the last i checked i wanted 2011 to fly by, and now it's coming to an end, i am dreading for the horrors of 2012. negativity? you bet. but how much more obstacles does one have to overcome, to prove his worth to God.

no not i, not not i, i am but someone in disguise...

hurry up, pull the blanket up, sleep up, rest up.

yawn.

lets hope ill blog again before the world ends.

AND FACES LEARN TO TRUST ONCE MORE

2011-12-19T00:36:00.015+08:00

the thing with goodbyes is that they're never that simple. i've never been the clear cut sort. goodbye, finito, press delete. nope. no, not i. it isn't a good thing though, because it also means it takes me forever to get over someone. i wish it was that easy, say goodbye, walk away and rid the feelings and delete the memories we shared so strongly. and with singapore being SO small, it's hard to NOT see that person, that familiar place, etc.

and sometimes when you decide to let go and be firm, your heart gets soft once more, and you start to question if the decision you made was the right one after all. i call that being fickle minded, and i am sadly, very fickle. it's not helping that the medication i'm taking escalates my feelings. being happy turns euphoric, being sad turns suicidal, being angry sends me into a mad rage.

guess we all have to let go of that special someone.

Who knows why

Two people perfectly aligned

Should ever have to find themselves apart

I'll never understand my heart

ok pictures now because i owe you all, big time.

whoever's reading this :)

feiyue event

some random night at zouk with my workmates

yarnnies 24th

random zouk night

avalon, lange + tydi

oh what a month.

ACTING CRAZY

2011-12-03T23:43:00.001+08:00

you've got me acting crazy and i wanna dance.

in other words, i think avalon is evil.

PARA PARA PARADISE

2011-11-29T12:02:00.001+08:00

When she was just a girlShe expected the worldBut it flew away from her reach soShe ran away in her sleepand dreamed ofPara-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradiseEvery time she closed her eyes
When she was just a girlShe expected the worldBut it flew from her reachand the bullets catch in her teethLife goes on, it gets so heavyThe wheel breaks the butterflyEvery tear a waterfallIn the night the stormy night she'll close her eyesIn the night the stormy night away she'd fly

OUT OF THE SKY

2011-11-28T18:19:00.001+08:00

my two favourite pictures of the week. hahaha kudos to my wingwoman minnie.

EVERY LITTLE BEAT

2011-11-28T00:01:00.001+08:00

Every little beat of your heart
You’re painting a picture of me
You put me on a pedestal I can’t climb down
Every little beat of my own takes me further from you
I’ve run out of heaven and I’m closing down

NEVER GO BACK

2011-11-22T18:14:00.002+08:00

tydi i am waiting, with bated breath for you to reach sunny singapore.

Remember
When things were still right
And we made the most of the night
We’d stay up until dawn
The beat would carry us on
Can’t believe it’s all gone and we can’t go back

I can’t fall to pieces
Hanging on to what he says
I can’t go, I won’t go
I can’t go, I’ll never go back

I can’t go, I won’t go
I won’t go, I’ll never go back

I have to give up this fight
There’s nothing left to ignite
Foolish thoughts spin my head
And keeps me from going to bed
Holding on by a thread
But I can’t go back

HELSINKI SCORCHIN

2011-11-18T17:43:00.010+08:00

ITS FRIDAY AND IM IN LOVE!!!!!! it has come to a point where i live for weekends. although my week days are fucking tiring as well. i always think its retarded to go out on weekdays, especially if you're up for drinks, it's like you drink so much, and then you wake up with a hangover the next day and drag your sorry ass to work. not fun at all. and then some will argue and say, "then drink so much for what." well, my only reply is, why not. you're already out, might as well drink up. ok that's only when you have a lot of energy. if you've got a report or meeting the next day, use your brain and pick the wiser option.

on a brighter note, not so bright for me, but yeah, i have gained weight! i lost like 4 or 5 kg, after that depressing period, and now i've gained back the weight................ not that psyched about it. doesn't look all that flattering in certain camera angles. i've been having supper every single day this week. i love eating. loveeeeeeeeeeeeee..... mom cooked the best clams yesterday tht were absolutely divine. it's insane. they're really the best clams ive tasted! and you know the funniest thing? i've only started eating clams this year. never too late to try new things huh?

life's good, im no longer emo. i guess i've learned to accept things i cannot change. pick up your brittle heart, scotch tape it if need be and pray it holds. if it doesn't, use super glue. and then a tourniquet. it'll be fine for awhile, only question is, for how long before it starts to fall apart again... and again.. and again. ah such is life.

joc @ avalon

hahahahhaa i don't know what the fuck i was doing

nana! random night.

raveolution @ butter

CRASH INTO REASON

2011-11-16T12:10:00.001+08:00

the chest swells
breath catches in the heart
you feel so far away
but you’re only seconds apart
from that defining moment
life will never be the same
oh…
crash into reason

WHO CARES IF YOU'RE ANYONE ANYWAY

2011-11-14T19:44:00.005+08:00

hate is a strong word, but nothing sums up the negative feelings i feel towards you. it's a mixture of hate, sadness, and my all time "favourite" - hope. damn girl, what you smoking? no freaking idea.

the brain's turning mushy............. and i'm tired. tired is me.

how now brown cow?

i used to LOVE the holidays. december was always a month of decadence. the ticket to sin. but it's also a season of LOVE. so pick one, love or lust?

i don't know why i dislike you so. you chose to walk away. and then u did it again and again and again and again. i thought i was tired of your nonsense, but when you walked away the final time, i felt empty. and no one likes the feeling of emptiness, despite all the abundance. if you know what i mean.

tried fixing you. but i got broken instead.

someone should try to fix me.

long overdue pictures from halloween.

the girls and i went zouk. minners and i were raped siamese twins. im kidding, although we really looked the part. hahahahahahahahaa.

towards the end, min was pulling me and i could barely cover myself. HAHHAHA

LOVE IS FOR THE FOOLS

2011-11-08T10:58:00.003+08:00

it takes words of someone or some people to jolt you back to reality. the truth you wanted to believe in all seem like stupid lies and deceit you've fooled yourself to agree and come to terms with. i am tired beyond words, i've done things i haven't done in my life before, i spent a WHOLE week drinking, and the last three days ruining my liver with copious amounts of liquor. and all that amounted to an even heavier heart.

im done playing. it was a good fun but nowwwwwwwwwwwwww i've got something new to achieve. whee!

ps. no im not chasing love. or anything remotely near it. i still think love is for fools and fools alone. and im not a believer. not anymore.

LOOKING AT LIFE THROUGH A LOADED GUN

2011-11-04T17:07:00.005+08:00

bets birthday/progressions

anb woopee

brodinski

ONE YEAR AGO

2011-10-29T14:09:00.003+08:00

one year ago, JOC at azzura, 4th Nov, i shall see him again.

SUCH IS LIFE

2011-10-29T13:17:00.002+08:00

i realise things go topsy turvy when you least expect it. take the backseat, enjoy the view, relax and soak in what life has to offer you. don't fret, don't think, do what you deem fit. life's short, we don't have time to think about the 1000 what ifs. and when it all goes downhill, remember, it won't get any worse, it can only get better. pick up your sorry ass and climb back up. such is life... and im soaking in every minute of it's pure bliss.

AND THEN IT FELL APART

2011-10-24T23:18:00.000+08:00

There's a reason i said i'll be happy alone
It wasn't cause i thought i'd be happy alone
It was bcos i thought if i loved someone
And then that fell apart, i might not make it
It's easier to be alone
Because what if you learn that you need love, and then you don't have it?
What if you like it, and lean on it?
What if you shape your life around it, and then it falls apart?
Can you even survive that kind of pain?
Losing love is like organ damage
It's like dying
The only difference is, life ends.
This? It could go on forever.

DRAW NO EVIL LINER

2011-10-23T19:07:00.001+08:00

eyelash extensions, the best invention yet. who needs eyeliner now.

jeez it sounds like a lame ad but seriously! it saves tons of make up time.

WHAT WEEKENDS?

2011-10-23T11:24:00.009+08:00

AHHH i finally had a much deserved break this weekend. no LBL for me cuz i am NO fan, although i heard it was his birthday, haha. so anyway pictures taken over the weekends... i am tired tired tired. seriously. all i look forward to right now is above and beyond, slapping faces, stepping on feet, and losing myself to the er.. (wait for it, it sounds cheesy) the sound of trance. hahahahaha i had to do that, sorry.

and after that we're getting out asses out of singapore. we were intending to go bkk, but with all the floods and what not, plan b became - project vietnam. been wanting to go there for the longest time anyway. they actually have decent clubs that spin trance, so good luck to us. i don't know how "decent" they are. anyone partied in saigon before? tips please.

-edit- we're going bkk, at a later date. go away flood. then again above and beyond's in bkk today.

THE BATTLE OF THE CHI AND GOODBYES

2011-10-21T00:46:00.003+08:00

i've lost count of how many debates i've had with friends this week. i've also reached a stage where i feel it's a mid life crisis when in fact, it's JUST a quarter life crisis. does that even make sense? so there's this constant battling with my inner chi, it wants to remain calm, yet it's not quite calm. it's sorta.. havoc-y. if there's such a word. it's a whirlpool of ugly mess. it's sad how we were born into the world, as THIS person, and as time passed, this person became that person, and into another person. life fucks us up so much, what happened to simplicity. we're all mingling with the same fucked up people, now how are we ever going to get normal. A tells you this, B tells you that, and when you put them together it's like.. what the fuck are they saying.

i guess no one really knows what the hell i'm rambling on about... but when life fucks you over, you sprout nonsense. so bear with me. i'm not being an emotional basketcase here. i'm just reasoning out what i've learnt over the past few years and piecing them together to see if it even makes sense. i guess i thought you'd learn from every relationship but it seems as though i'm getting more and more confused each time. are we suppose to get more jaded as we grow older? oh god, so by the time it's 2021, we'll be facing with a lot of divorces and cheating spouses.

so you know what.................... get a dog, he'll be more loyal.

TEARDROP

2011-10-18T00:30:00.001+08:00

"Our bodies are given life from the midst of nothingness. Existing where there is nothing is the meaning of the phrase, "form is emptiness." That all things are provided for by nothingness is the meaning of the phrase, "Emptiness is form." One should not think that these are two separate things."

hello, kitty.

RELAPSE

2011-10-17T13:42:00.001+08:00

live on the outside
i'll help you through your pain
if you help me through mine
never have i met
someone as insensitive as you

i want to escape what you've done to my life
i love the way that you're always on my mind
it's ok, you're not a bad one you're sane
i can't help this pain that i feel

relapse and soda
my head is not all that you want it to lay
existence is purpose
explain what my touch means to you if it does

i want to escape what you've done to my life
i love the way that you're always on my mind
it's ok, you're not a bad one you're sane
i can't help this pain that i'm feeling

QUITTERS GON QUIT!

2011-10-15T20:28:00.003+08:00

im trying to figure out if i prefer anger to sadness. im leaning towards anger, since i've always been angry 30% of my life. i have a nasty temper to say the least. whenever i think of you, there's a mixture of feelings. there's that longing to just run back into your arms, that sickening anger that pricks me whenever someone vaguely looks like you, and that sadness, that lingering hurt that refuses to go away. and then i remember, "if he can, you can too." then i get pissed again and realise you're nothing, but a waste of time. a waste of my memory, since my memory's already shit.

so maybe anger is better. i mean, which is a more powerful emotion? both emotions make you do stupid things, both make you feel A LOT. anger and sadness BOTH consumes us all. but anger doesn't make your heart hurt. it gives you a headache, it makes you frown, but nothing is worse than a heartache. so i choose anger, i choose to dislike you. as childish as it seems, it might be the only thing that'll help me tide through this period.

if he's not hurting, why should you? if he's not thinking of you, why should you.....?

life's too short to waste your time on people who don't wish to be with you.

tonight will be a good night. i don't have to think about seeing you, or pissing you off. i don't have to deal with the "will he, or will he not's". for once all i can think about is myself. i'm really succeeding in this "dislike plan". yay me? i wonder how long it'll last.

at least something good came out of this heartbreak. i'm finally a UK 6 again.

#FIRSTEXHIBITION Dr Martens x Zouk

2011-10-10T16:22:00.002+08:00

A big thank you to anyone and everyone who popped by Zouk last friday for #FIRSTEXHIBITION! it was definite success and it was packedddddddd.... was outside most of the time at the reception, saw lotsa familiar faces, hello hello :) it's definitely heartwarming to see your efforts being paid off... and finally i can look forward to bkk! a much deserved break i'd say :)

rest of the pictures can be found here

was soooo happy when my girlfriends popped by! noisy bunch, hahahahaa. after that it was off to avalon, pictures another time cuz i left my camera with thamster. anyway monday feels surreal, it's this weird zennish feeling, maybe it's because of facial later, or maybe... just maybe.. it's because of something else.

i had a dream last night that was happy. it was a happy dream, the sort you smiled about in your sleep. but upon waking up and realising it was all but a dream, reality sinks and a tear drops rolls down that cheek of yours. alas.... dreams are only dreams. but a friend told me, better a happy dream than a nasty one? at least i had that few hours of happiness. i dreamt of us, and we were getting better. but reality's a bitch and the hard truth is that we're going downhill, scratch that, we're nothing at all.

ah..... it hurts. but hey, life goes on.

SOMETIMES THEY COME BACK FOR MORE

2011-10-07T14:18:00.003+08:00

screams, it's a friday, finally! this week crawled by, practically. so my event's later tonight... #FIRSTEXHIBITION! i hope it'll be a good one. :) after that i'm popping by avalon for myon and shane 54, aruna and shogun. wheeeeeeeeeeeee... so yeah that basically means i will be dead when the whole thing ends.

so once again i'm back to this.. life. where i need to only make myself happy, if you know what i mean. it also means, i have less responsibilities, and i can be a little more reckless. ok im kidding, if i was serious it'd mean all the times i said i'd grow up were just nonsensical talk. i thought i'd go mad with this new found freedom, but nah... life still goes on, whether i'd like it to or not, and i want it to be better. that means.. less hangover days, more cash, less pimples, less headaches, more lunches and dinners, more flirting (kidding lah. ahahahahaha), more holidays! therefore i have specifically booked my cambodia dates to coincide with zoukout. haha it just so happens i wont be in Singapore during halloween as well. and trust me, that's one big headache gone. the girls wanted a themed outfit this year and we started planning months back, but at the end of it all, we were still pretty much clueless. SO YES, thank you bkk for ridding my halloween troubles. i foresee lotsa angry birds this year ;p

so what's a post from me without ranting about the woes of love.....? i proceed........ love is NOT necessary. ok im kidding. ahahhahaa although i've been fucked over by the guy i've loved, ok maybe fucked over isn't the right phrase to use, it isn't that negative but it sure as hell feels like that. back to the topic. yes, although that, i'm still a true blue supporter of finding the right one and embracing oh sweet love.....! seriously, yes i'm jaded, there were a few times i told myself "screw this shit, i am NOT falling for anyone ever again." or.. "SCREW THIS SHIT I AM TURNING LESBIAN!" (not happening.) there's a bigger part of me that still appreciates the warmth and happiness, despite the heartache, that love brings. i mean, what IS life without love? traditional as it might sound, i still believe that my purpose in this life was to procreate, and in that process enjoy it to its fullest as well. make babies, start a family, get a cat and dog, have the hottest husband, grow old together, going on trips together... SIMPLE life......... maybe i'm still living in my fairytale. shrugs!

but really, i don't think being single is SAD.. but when i find someone i like, i just find it sad that i can't be with him. yes i know i can't force everyone to love a crazy person like me, but if he does like me, then be with me. if he isn't with me, it means he doesn't like me enough. simple. gotta tell myself that 100000 times. an arrow piercing my heart, yeouchhhh. but im strong, i'll get over this. :) got over it once, twice, and now.. the third time. for now i'll enjoy singlehood and what it brings. but when i see someone i want.......... im not going to runaway and cry and hide in my stupid shell. life's too short for that.

haven't we already realised that?

GAVE YOU SPACE SO YOU COULD BREATHE

2011-10-02T15:16:00.000+08:00

But I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before.

DANCE DANCE IN THE MORNING LIGHT

2011-09-30T12:47:00.004+08:00

i always thought it was hilarious when people said "alive and well".

so today while we're on the topic of threshold, i'd like to admit that i always thought my threshold for pain was relatively high. physically and mentally... i went for my last tattoo session alone, and that was like a 4 hour cold shivery session. i had no choice, i was the only bugger not working and i wanted it completed pronto. that aside, i have a fear of needles - injections. i got it from my mama. she is terrified of needles. i guess it's the thought of that thin thing going in SLOWLY into my skin that freaks me out. piercings are fine cuz they're quick and snappy.. tattoos are... not that intrusive. and they're pretty anyway unlike injections. ugh.

so anyway... although my threshold for pain was some what fine.. at the end of the 4 hour tattoo session, i was bleeding like a bitch and shivering. it was.. torturing to say the least. i just wanted it to end. despite the tempting thought of staring at my nakkkeddd body with pretty ink, the pain was just.. intolerable, at that moment. i guess what i'm trying to say is everyone has limits. maybe i gave up after 5 hours, some after 10, i don't know... but regardless your threshold, one day you're gonna crash and burn. it's the same thing with love... i'm a firm believer of faith, but i'm not STUPID. i don't blindly chase anyone with a penis.

what is it with some people? find someone, take a chance and love her. i'm not saying love every single one.. like i said im not stupid. but if you realise you click with that person, you've developed strong feelings for her.. then take that plunge. everyone's bound to hurt one day.. if you're always going to be afraid of what's standing in front of you, then you my friend will be living in a world of perpetual regret. i've chased you not once, not twice, maybe three times. like tydi song says.. you've got me acting crazy. i guess i was willing to turn back the second time because you came back, but then you ALWAYS leave not long after. and if something so small can make you walk away.. then i'm not walking after you anymore.

i saw something that i believed in and i took a chance, but he's left me .. high and dry (cliche oh cliche). if this doesn't work, you'll be reading the words of the most jaded fool ever... :) but im honestly tired, and i deserve to be happy.

IT'S SAD WHEN YOU GET HURT SO MUCH, YOU CAN FINALLY SAY "IM USED TO IT."

2011-09-25T21:25:00.004+08:00

NEW HAIR

2011-09-25T18:54:00.002+08:00

tadah!

FIZZLE SHIZZLE

2011-09-19T21:58:00.003+08:00

i'm alive! i stayed home the whole weekend to recuperate and rest my skin. i swear every time after a night of partying my skin breaks out and it gets... really tragic and gross. once your skin fucks up.. it really fucks up and it'll take forever to heal. OH WOE WOE WOE.

anyway i'm finally done with this korean drama called myung wol the spy. it's fucking awesome cuz the main leads are damn bloody good looking. i finished it in what, 2 days? my fastest ever. the last few episodes required me to curse, swear, and fast forward a few times though. these korean producers or writers tend to drag the last wee bit.... the actress is SO chio. her eyes are like three times the size of mine. it makes me wanna cut my eyes, cut cut cut cut. and then i'll end up looking like a freak. O_O

today i nearly bought a pair of a wang shoes, and was this close to purchasing another celine. i swear i'm disgusting sometimes. these urges, they come and go. i'm not exactly enjoying a fat bank either.

i wish i had time to take pictures of my outfits and entertain all of you but i'm sorry i'm such a lazy blogger (if i can even call myself one). so these stolen facebook pictures will have to suffice. :D

SUNDAYMART

2011-09-14T12:09:00.002+08:00

SUNDAYMART NOW OPEN!

SUNDAYMART is started by a group of girlfriends coming together on a Sunday,

after a night of debauchery and intoxication, to nurse their hangovers, and catch up on "So what happened last night."

A cuppa tea in our hands, we fumble through our wardrobes to sell our wares to recuperate our losses we've suffered the night before.

While we still might be a little woozy, our judgements not quite tip top, we might start to regret even deciding to sell one or two or maybe even a few pieces.

So let's start clicking, no procrastinating.. these babies of ours are up for grabs, for now.

GLIB

2011-09-12T18:00:00.002+08:00

stay tuned stay tuned.

we're .. 80% done.

that said, i think i am crazy. WHYYY am i so crazy. sometimes i think i suffer from bipolar, but yes i know i don't. but honestly there's like this crazy demon inside me. but u know they say, kill off my demons and might angels might die to. gotta think of a way to control them demons. such is life such is life, live fast, die young. feel free, be free, why control when i can get lost in that whole whirlwind of emotions, when i can actually FEEL something. then there are the consequences, the negligence by others that follows..... i give up, i think i am a little messed up. i think.

HOLD YOUR BREATH

2011-09-04T13:43:00.014+08:00

woops, sorry for the neglect. i've no idea what i've been doing. on a random note, i haven't been wearing my tongue stud for about two days. it was liberating. i've just screwed it back on and it feels weird. you'd think i'd be more comfortable with it on since it's been there for a good three years or so. but it's not. i guess it's the same with break ups and time outs. you'd think everything would feel comfortable and perfect once you're back again but even if it was a short three day or two day time out, the patch back process is kinda.. weird. shrugs. was never a big fan of time outs.

just to clarify: im not having a time out, im not even attached. not everything i type here applies to me.

so how's everyone? anything changed? i've grown a few new pimples, killed some old ones. it's a never ending process. adult acne, why oh why? my hair is slightly longer now. i'm debating with myself as to whether a center parting or side parting suits me. dad's dead set against center parting and says my hair is "gross". seriously this dad of mine is one insensitive douche. whenever he sees a new pimple he'll go, "ehhh new pimple!" and then advance to point at it. dad, i know. but i can safely say i am immune to it! hellz yeah.

wtf, every time someone watches tv, my internet gets fucked. does that even make sense? WTF.

annoyed. :( it doesn't make any sense at all though. and now my podcasts are stuck halfway. -_-

ok and now i cant blog! shall watch jane eyre first then. monologue here i come.

the view from our room!

flashers love their robes

a crazy mad woman

a coloured frenzy of slippers and flatforms!

damn messy

this was fucking amazing. truffle eggs with scallops.

that was all last last week.

this week all i did was...

catch two movies, had cheap french, watched my shows.. and.. rest.

next week's cosmic gate!

THE ART OF BEING SMART

2011-08-26T00:01:00.004+08:00

here's a tip for all, spoken from experience. if a guy is too smooth, never believe in his words... see the awkward boys aren't players, the smooth as hell ones are. it's like me saying "i can't stand playing games, i don't want to play. i just want to settle down." but in actual fact, i am NOT ready to settle down. players tend to say the things they want the other to believe in. it's just ugly. it's an ugly ugly world out there. no one is perfect, trust me. you'd have higher chances settling down with a socially awkward person than a full of himself social butterfly tht has 1000 over friends on facebook. i mean it makes sense right. here's a dude who's befriending every tom dick and harry, wait scratch that, every jane cheryl and fifi, while there's the other dude who doesn't give a damn. which would you pick, the latter, duh!

no one should be over friendly. screws a little wonky with over friendly guys.

take a chill back, sit back and analyse, before fucking every single thing that moves. -_- and making your game known. BE SMART GIRLS!!!!!

edit//

i typed this when i was slightly intoxicated last night.

right now im reading it and going.. what.. the.. fuck.

ah, drunk charmaine is hilarious.

EVERY GOODBYE IS A SUN GONE DOWN

2011-08-24T15:12:00.004+08:00

no one's in the office so i've decided to camwhore. oh my what a girl.

i just realised my hair's been going mad. everyone's asking me how bad is bad. so anyway, remember the ultra short do i got a few months back? it has grown out now and it's becoming a nicer looking, albeit messy, bob. i am thinking of curling it and all when it grows a wee bit longer. think korean bobs, but aye... my hair seems to be disagreeing with me.

crazy short hair, what was i thinking

and then it grew out a wee bit, and looked slightly more normal but boring

and now, tadahhhh!

i look like a mushroom.

i think i look a little like a perverted old man as well.

the centre parting and all. -_-

GROW HAIR GROW!

YEAH I TEND TO DISAGREE WITH YOUR FLAWED PHILOSOPHY

2011-08-21T21:44:00.002+08:00

today i wore my H&M leopard printed bralette i bought last year for the very first time. and i also scored myself a pair of suede and leather leopard printed flatforms.

i am such an aunty at heart.

LIVING IT UP

2011-08-21T12:31:00.002+08:00

in need of another holiday. bkk here we come? :)

LET ME MAKE THIS RIGHT

2011-08-20T22:18:00.003+08:00

you know the things you told yourself never to do ever again? the things you did a few years back, the things you reflect right this moment and go, "what was i thinking." or "to be young is to err." or the consolation "to err is human." maybe it's true when they say people never change. old habits never die, they come creeping up to you time and time again. just a few days ago, i was 90% certain that i knew i what i wanted in life. it was the fleeting moments of high, that momentary bliss that seemed to make me nod in content.

then comes the morning after, the afternoon hangover, the evening shame. and the silly vow to never commit the follies of youth, ever. but who are we to kid, who was i to kid. but it's the little tug of my heartstrings i feel when i think back, the small smile that creeps up. however, i'm not 16 anymore, we don't play little ring around the rosie games. i've seen the ill designs of people and i've realised things are never what it seems. so how do we go on living this life, this lie? we do what we want, we be tres selfish, we let no harm affect us. we think not using our hearts, but our brains, or our loins (sometimes), satisfy what needs to be satisfied. most importantly, think the worst of others and assume their intents are bad.

perhaps these are thoughts of a jaded fool, a person once suckered into the notion of love. but words are after all just words. someone once asked me on my formspring - which is worse, being jaded or naive. i forgot what i answered, but naivety takes the cake. to be jaded is the consequence of being naive. therefore being not naive lessens the chances of being jaded. i wish i was never naive. sometimes i think hoping is being imprudent. less hope, less heartache.

shrugs. that's what i learnt this week :)

if anything, i think i became more jaded, and on the contrary, just a little stronger.

TEN SECONDS BEFORE SUNRISE

2011-08-18T12:55:00.010+08:00

the girls and i are finally going to have good clean fun this weekend. no drama, no hangovers, no silly boy rubbish, just us four girls in a nice hotel room. the only alcohol we're touching is gay ass sweet wine. i think the reason for my shitty skin is the copious amount of alcohol i've been intoxicating my body with over the years. i am however, hesitant to catch a few winks of the sun... it takes me forever to get fair. hell im not even fair. i get tanned in like.. half an hour. -_-

just a few days ago, i was 100% confirmed, well maybe 95%, that i was going to make a decision. i had everything written down in a paper. i went through what i was going to say in my head for about 10 times. and then something happened and the strength i felt just the night before dissipated just like that. i was confused once again, stuck in a rut. AND I CANT GET OUT OF IT... i mean on one hand i know what i want. and on the other, there's this stupid voice that goes, "charmaine! don't be stupid!" so this is what i'm going to do. i charmaine chan, am going to run away. whatever comes, comes. whatever leaves, leaves. you want to walk out, by all means do it, but i'm not going to ever walk after you, ever. and if you want to stay, stay, but whoever comes and takes me by the hand - i'll walk with him.

isn't that simple science?

it shouldn't be so tough to decide whether you want to be with someone.

OK pictures stolen from bettina!

THE ART OF LETTING GO

2011-08-10T11:01:00.003+08:00

how much is too much? i was googleling "when is it time to let go." but all google provided me with was "how to let go of someone". and that wasn't helpful. google, for once you've failed me. i've googled before "why does my the heart hurt." as well. and that didn't help either. shrugs.

i was always the sort who fought for what i wanted. i like things simple. i don't like waiting. i don't like time offs. i don't think i'm a player. i often agree that it takes too much time and effort to "play". certain players attempt to play but get burnt during the process. so that's a major failure for them. i equate the highest level of playing as nonchalance. although i firmly believe that love simply isn't enough for a relationship to sustain, all it takes is a little bit of love for a relationship to start. come what may, if it works, good, if not, get up from your sorry ass and pick up the pieces of your poor battered heart. love is for the brave, or braver of the lot.

but we can't be crazy die hard soldiers. "i've got a heart, but i'm not a soldier." so when, tell me WHEN, do i know when to give up. how much is enough? how long before i'll be regarded as a fool? i used to like it when we were together. now i feel less than perfect, you've pinpointed my weaknesses and blown them up whole. and that's not how it's supposed to be right?

TINY WHINY TOWERS

2011-08-07T20:14:00.008+08:00

i feel like such a groupie but... it's...

DASH BERLIN!

looked terribly sweaty with sticky fringe and smudged eye make up. oh what the heck :D

twas a good night!

I THINK I SHOULD BRING MY CAMERA OUT MORE OFTEN

2011-08-02T17:31:00.004+08:00

oh no what's happening to me, not only do i have retarded titles, im blogging less now. but really, the underlying reason is because i have zero pictures. and er, blog posts without pictures are... boring. everyone should just follow me on twitter. i tweet, too much for my own good. i think im better now :D

here are a buncha pictures from... last week or so. everyone's chasing me to upload my clubbing pictures.. but I R LAZY.

work's all right! just got my pay, but it's a pay cheque. meaning. i need to find a bleeding cheque deposit box. and those god damn things are so hard to find. sheesh. i take like one week to get them deposited anyway. ;/ and after tht i have to pay my parents for my credit card bills. not cool at all. payment in, payment gone. note to self: find more ways to earn money.

or get a better job.

ok kidding.

been writing tons of press releases lately... like 6 so far this week. my brain cells are depleting. i feel as though i've repeated every word in my tiny brain. need.to.read.more. that reminds me, im not even done with the book i bought months back.

i have been, however, glued to true blood!!!!!!!!!! it's fucking good. although mel describes it as a show with "weird vampire sex" and some other friend says i appreciate it because of all "the outdoor sex". right. they're all wrong by the way. i appreciate white as death skin, and the way Bill calls for Suky. it's like.. su-kayyyyyy..... but eric's hotter anyway. bill looks like an ah pek now. so anyway if you like, vampire sex, outdoor orgies, werewolves, vampires, magic and shapeshifters, please watch true blood.

it's 5:47PM now, i had breakfast at 1030AM, lunch at 3:30PM and now im looking forward to my awesome french food, in about... half an hour. no wonder my tummy's expanding at a rate too fast for my liking. but such is life, i live to eat. i think people who eat to live are sad. i mean, isn't eating one of god's greatest gifts? the different textures, cuisines, tastes. omg.. the irony of it all is. i don't eat a lot, not in terms of quantity but the type of meat. i don't eat mutton, beef(i know its like the greatest meat of all), oysters, raw food (yes that means sashimi), fishy fish..., sigh, it's like everything huh. shrugs, but i still like, whatever little, food i eat.

btw, is there any hair growing tonic that actually works? or a magical head massage? i am sick of my half fucked hair. thank you!

BE STILL

2011-07-19T12:17:00.001+08:00

BETTER HALF OF ME

2011-07-15T14:25:00.006+08:00

friday! time flies when you're older. maybe it's because we're always grasping for more time. whereas, when we're younger we could never wait to grow up. it was a good week anyway. no one left a crack on my heart, i remained some what sane. my mom chases me every morning to leave the house though, not that healthy for the mind. incessant nagging makes me a teenie bit looney.

yesterday i went to work without a single touch of make up. and for once i didn't feel particularly ugly. why? no idea. maybe it's the sense of zen and nonchalance towards trivial matters. shrugs.

THE BATTLE WITH THE CYSTIC PIMPLES!

2011-07-12T17:23:00.002+08:00

i'm sorry i've been ignoring my faithful blog. i am not a loyal blogger. i've been addicted to my ipad lately. it's crazy. i've recently jailbroke it (sounds hilarious, jailbreaken?) and so i'm on a downloading frenzy. i've also been googleing "how to get rid of cystic pimples".

see a week before my menses, my face erupts like a termagant. like three spots on my face. crraazzzyyyyy. hormones are nuts. it's like i'd rather the hormones do something to make my tits bigger rather than cause ugly die-hard pimples. wait not just regular pimples, CYSTIC pimples. see, cystic pimples are those nasty things embedded below your skin. they don't have a head, so you can't really burst them. the skin surrounding the pimple gets slightly pink and painful as well. it's torture, to say the least.

i'm getting less of the persistent clogged pores, thanks to my... 1) Acnes creamy cleanser 2) Hot cloth cleanser. i'm sticking to these guys. on days i wear powder or bb cream (less often already) i'll use my clarins cream cleanser to wash off the make up followed by my facial cleanser. it's important to get rid of all your make up in a thorough manner.

so back to cystic. yes, so my self esteem was an all time zero. imagine waking up to three new pimples on yr cheeks and another two on your chin. it's crazyyyy! i didn't wanna go out at all. but i had to meet min on Saturday.. so... :/ hello awesome concealer?

but im proud to say that my skin has drastically improved. although it's kinda dry now cuz that's what acne products do. but hey i prefer dry skin to pimply skin. my three cheek pimples have subsided and im left with one pimple thats 90% gone. the one on my chin's like some china warrior and refuses to go away. i can see e head now so thank god. and im not wearing any powder or concealer even. (going for an event later as well, so it's not THAT bad)

so within 2 days my pimples were 90% gone. i use differin, which you need prescribed, and mario badescu's drying cream. i also moisturize my skin like mad cuz like i said earlier... the skin dries out fast with all the strong topical creams.

oh no, what's becoming of me.

my previous post was about skincare as well.

OK i promise you all pictures soon!

SMACK VS SMACK

2011-06-30T23:50:00.004+08:00

omy goodness. i was feeling rather proud of myself this week as i successful curbed my deadly addiction - shopping. see i'm the sort who proclaims she's broke but ends up buying something lame, like another arty ring. two hours before that i told yarns, eh don't let me buy anything huhhhhhh.... so this week, while i thought i could pat myself on the back and go, "well done charmaine, a week without shopping!" i singlehandedly bought some vitamin pills and spray from bodyshop, two tops from zara, one top and two dresses from asos. ALL IN ONE DAY. this is very disgusting, i feel utterly grossed out with myself. but i diligently spent 2 hours in front of my laptop carefully scrolling through ALL the sale items. i've got this green ticket code that's 20 pounds off 60 pounds. which is, in my opinion, freaking amazing!!!!! and guess what, i ZUN ZUN reached 60 pounds. hahahahahaa, i am amazed with my capabilities.

so actually it was one top and two dresses for 40 pounds, awesome deal i'd say! cheaper than zara!

anyway, these vitamin capsule thingamajigs are amazing. see i use differin on clogged pores. it's this strong medication i got from the skin centre a few years back, and i've been getting them from some pharmacist in malaysia every time my parents went back. you can only get it via prescription you see! it's pretty good, but very strong, as it dries up your skin. so my skin got kinda patchy cuz i kinda went overboard.. it was all red and flaky. yeah pretty damn disgusting. but after two capsules, two awesome tiny vitamin capsules, the flakiness went away, and the redness is gone. these capsules are suppose to make your skin more radiant. it's a 30 day thing, take one capsule a night, smear it all over your face. i think i should take a picture of my face every morning or week. will let you know of the results (if i even bother doing it, haha!).

i am SUCH a sucker for skin products. it's pretty bad. but always remember less is more! you shouldn't be like me! just cleanse, tone and moisturize. even if you skin is oily, you have to hydrate your skin :) use a mask once or twice a week. a sleeping mask is good as well, to get rid of the harmful effects of the evil, but necessary, air conditioner.

WHERE DOES THIS SADNESS COME FROM?

2011-06-26T22:03:00.005+08:00

why do you let yourself cry?

oh what, it's sunday already? i swear time flies even faster as you grow older and older and older and wrinklier. i spent my weekend rotting, but that's all i want to do anyway since i've started work. ok fine, not every week, but alternate week. i can't be an energizer bunny every weekend. so last weekend i went for beerfest with the girls, and after that we said hello to ferry (yeah as if he was a friend). i think it was a good night. no one ko-ed. and for once i dragged myself home, alone, because if i stayed on i would have been lying on the floor. so i guess i'm a changed person? i guess i guess? haha. the funniest is when you wake up and start panicking cuz you're worried you've lost your keys, camera, or cards. so the first thing i always do is check my phone, and then my camera for evidence of the night, and then my belonging. thank god for cameras. :)

beerfest was smelly. the drinks were... cheap. i can't drink a lot of beer anyway. so at my fourth cup i was in lalaland. i'm a bad beer drinker. shrugs. but it was a good night. i'm glad! my hair was really crazy though. like.. sticky, piece-y, and icky. this coming weekend's tritonal. i absolutely "love" it when people proclaim they LOVE, ADORE, breathe trance, and when you mention other dj's apart from tiesto, dash berlin, armin, ferry, they go.. "huh? who?" yeah u love trance, my ass ah. no serious, do people actually think it's... er, cool, to like trance or something? is it some kinda trend right now? i'm sorry im getting old, so i'm not chasing trends, or rather i'm a laggard right now. -_-" ok, bitch mode on.

anyway, pictures after the longest time. i seem to find it absolutely troublesome to upload pictures. i used to update my facebook on a weekly basis. now it's dead. i think facebook is dead. we should all tweet 24/7 and use tumblr! yes please remember i have a tumblr. it acts as a photoblog, wahahahaha. i love my ipad and instagram. best money spent. play hanging with friends with me! although i absolutely suck. what other apps are there for the ipad i absolutely must get? did i just use the word absolutely a gazillion times in this paragraph? hmm, i guess i did.

and we thought, bigger = more muscles, but no.

FAYFEY COLLECTION 2

2011-06-25T20:38:00.002+08:00

yippee, launching tomorrow.

time to enjoy my saturday :)

SUPER GIRL BOY NOT A FRIEND

2011-06-24T00:56:00.006+08:00

just realised amanda's clutching my pits. hahhahaaha

ok i really look like an angry pig.

and center parting isn't working well with me.

CHANGE!

more pictures another time when i'm not as lazy and not nursing a shitty stomach.

THE ART OF CHEERING SOMEONE UP

2011-06-22T16:53:00.003+08:00

i'm feeling freaking pissed, depressed, upset, annoyed, basically everything negative x 10. i am annoyed with stupidity and ignorance. see i woke up feeling happy, popped a clarinase because of my fucked up nose and then the side effects kicked in, so i was a little happier than usual. (my body is weird like that) and then something fucked up happened, and you know how you have that "special" someone you rant to just because you THINK he'd make everything all right. WELL, mine was a block of wood. I could be typing this now because i'm filled with several level of angst that even I CANNOT COMPREHEND. i blame it on the pms.

WHEN SOMEONE IS PISSED...

1) ask her why

2) listen to her rant

3) you should also promptly reply

4) better still, if you can, call her. it shows you CARE

5) whatever the case, let her realise that her problems aren't that small to be brushed aside with a wave.

6) say something comforting. not just ONE word.

7) you can give her a virtual hug as well.

of course, these are only applicable if A) he's your boyfriend B) he likes you C) he's trying to get into your pants. SO I FOR ONE, shouldn't even be pissed because mr block of wood isn't anything to me is he? whatever, very angry now. it's like anger becoming sadness. on the verge of tears because i am in the shittiest mood ever.

i also blame it on GILBERT. i hate you gilbert, it's all your fault.

AND COULD YOU BE INSPIRED?

2011-06-18T15:36:00.004+08:00

i need a trip away some where. but the only place i can think of is some where that involves you. but that's not right, is it?

i've got a face mask slapped on, what's new.

it's not the mud mask, which everyone's been asking me about. go youtube "dead sea mask". there's this gay dude who does a quite brilliant video of it. his skin is porcelain. there's a link to an ebay link that allows you to purchase it. i was pretty hesitant at first, but you know they all say, if you never try, you never know.

it makes my skin really soft, but it's FREAKING messy!!!! i stained my basin, towels, floor mat...

so since a lot of you have been asking me about my masks and all. here's a post about my skincare.... i'm just showing the masks and moisturizers. i have a gazillion pimple creams as well. ahhahahahaa.

dead sea mud mask

makes skin reaaaaaallly soft. it's a clay mask so it cracks when dry.

sleeping mask for troubled skin (baviphat)

it smells really yummy. i've stopped using this.

tony moly berry sleeping pack

i love this one.

i used to use it every night hahahahaha.

bodyshop tea tree mask

i love this. currently have it on. the colour's really nice. and it soothes my pimples.

ginvera sleep pack

it's kinda lame. doesn't do anything.

skinfood sesame and rice mask

i love these and i swear by them!

mario badescu whitening mask

love it.

missha super aqua moisturizer and serum

makes my skin soft and hydrates it. i use this twice a day.

PAMELA LOVE

2011-06-16T22:44:00.001+08:00

EVERYDAY IM FACEMASKING

2011-06-15T22:59:00.003+08:00

last month, i was called to appear in a feature for l'officiel.

let's just say i'm not quite cut out to pose under the blistering hot sun, or anywhere for that matter!

here are the pictures :)

it's in June's issue of L'officiel. it's pretty easy to miss as it's a mont blanc special advertorial section.

there's a first time for everything i guess!

ROLL, DONT TUMBLE

2011-06-12T16:51:00.003+08:00

indeed.

DOZO?

2011-06-10T12:49:00.005+08:00

you know they say you always do things that cause more harm than good to yourself? well one of the very good examples would be watching masterchef when you're hungry, reading food blogs like tastespotting, or erm, blogging about food while you're hungry.

a few have asked me to recommend nice restaurants that are affordable. well here's one that i particularly liked. maybe it's the fact that it involves a few courses, and that i'm really quite a greedy pig. it's called Dozo located at River Valley Rd.

you get to choose from tons of dishes, and yes it's a few courses! it's priced affordably, judging that you're given a lot to eat. and it's quality food, mind you! the area's pretty big, but book, just incase. don't ask me for the price because i can't quite remember the exact details, but i think the website'll tell you!

Dozo

491 River Valley Road
Singapore 248371
6838 6966

Here are some shots i snapped with my trusty blackberry... i'm feeling very peckish now because i can't buy my ipad2 today and the only thing that will cheer me up is good food. now i'm wondering what to eat for lunch, and dinner.....

YUMMSSSSS... hungry now :( think i shall head there soon :)

my trusty scarf

always pluck your eyebrows! gives definition to your face

my outfit for today, wearing my new melissa inspired shoes i got from china!

:(

2011-06-09T14:12:00.000+08:00

email me at charrmaine@gmail.com if interested, thanks!